Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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