Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
