Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
