didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
