I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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