When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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