My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
