My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
