We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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