she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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