That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
