Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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