I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
