Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
