im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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