I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
