i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
