ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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