I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
