I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
