I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i came on her dog
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
