lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
