I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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