Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
