Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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