I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
