god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
