So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
