No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
please come you make the beer taste better
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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