He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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