he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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