if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
