Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
