How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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