My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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