He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
