like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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