No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
