if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
