remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
