Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize