I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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