dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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