i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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