pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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