He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
