She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
