Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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