The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
