People in love make me want to vomit
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
