If that was your dad, he is hot
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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