nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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