You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
