dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
