We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
