I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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