....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
