good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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