we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
