M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
