I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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